Thursday, May 16, 2013

Thunder & Lightning

Photo Credit 

Some of you may have heard or read about the tornadoes that swept through the DFW area last night.  I actually love severe weather, and every spring here brings the atmospheric instability needed to fire off huge thunderstorms.  Severe weather season tends to begin around the first of March when it starts warming up enough to fuel the storms, and continues until the middle of May when it gets so hot that the storms are choked off.

This year has been remarkably quiet.  In fact my wife and I were discussing it during the day yesterday--I'm not sure that there had even been a severe weather warning of any type up to that point for this Spring.  I was anxious to see how Maxwell would handle the storms.  Our previous boy, Bo, hated storms.  He'd dissolved into a whimpering, simmering, droolly mess.  We hadn't really had any big storms yet to evaluate Maxwell's response.

Well, that all changed last night.

A band of supercells developed well to the west of the Metroplex, and slowly inched their way eastward.  The storms were very large, and somewhat odd as each individual storm was tracking due east.  Usually the storms track southwest to northeast, while the front they fire on travels west to east.  Another oddity--the storms were moving very slowly.  Normally they move 40-50 mph which means they can surprise with their sheer speed, but also means they're quickly gone.  Not so yesterday; the storms were moving 10-15 mph.  This should have meant plenty of warning for those in the path, but instead it meant the storms were moving erratically, and when they struck, they struck with a vengeance and hung around.

There were reports of grapefruit sized hailstones near Mineral Wells, a small town to the northeast of DFW.  Then to the southwest the town of Granbury had two large residential neighborhoods obliterated by a large tornado.  That storm continued on, cycling up and down in strength, finally reaching the rural town of Cleburne TX. 

The news coverage I was watching to keep an eye on the storm (always prudent, even if the storms aren't directly threatening your area--as you will soon see), had a storm spotter on the phone in the Cleburne area.  It was dark by this time, an exceptionally dangerous time to be chasing storms because of the lack of visibility.  He was reporting on weather they had seen earlier in the evening, describing hail and damage they'd seen. 

Suddenly he exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's right there! Back up! Back up, back up, back up!"

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They had spotted a large wedge tornado that he estimated had a base more than a mile wide.  Wedge tornadoes are exceptionally powerful.  For example, the F5 tornado that leveled Moore OK in 1999 was a wedge, and areas of Moore were simply removed from the Earth, scoured down to the foundation slabs.

As this unfolded in the live coverage, the announcer broke in again and announced a new tornado warning issued for Arlington--where we live.  Now realize, Arlington is a mere suburb of Dallas and Fort Worth.  But we also have more than 375,000 residents--no small village.  In fact Arlington makes the top 50 largest cities in the United States

Here in the South the weather services are able to zoom in to street level, where they can superimpose city maps on their radar, and give out specific streets, blocks, etc. to help warn people.  When they zoomed in on the new Arlington tornado warning, the nearest cross streets they announced are about 100 yards away from my house!  At about that moment, the tornado sirens in the area went off.  If you've never heard a tornado siren, it's a sound that will send shivers up your spine. 

The kids were all in bed, most of them asleep.  I carried each of them into our most interior bathroom one by one, and herded Maxwell in with us.  Shut and locked the door.

And waited.

The lights flickered several times, but stayed on.

In about 10 minutes, not hearing any destructive noises, I ventured out and checked the TV again.  The storm had moved about 1/2 mile past us to the east.

As I cradled each child, carrying them back to bed, I contemplated what it might mean to lose them.  The pit of hopelessness that yawed open in front of me is a place I deeply, deeply hope I never visit.

My heart and soul go out to all those that experienced loss of life and property in the storms last night.

As far as Maxwell goes, he was completely unperturbed by the storm--in fact he wanted to go play in the rain.

Silly boy.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Maxwell May Have Ruined Christmas...

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Maxwell is in that really cute stage where he's losing his puppy teeth.  I've heard all the stories about this stage--the gap toothed grins, the rows of shark teeth, the incessant mouthy behavior. 

Surprisingly, Max has been really good about mouthing.  Of course "good" is all relative.  He still puts his mouth on everything he can reach.  He still chews holes in his stuffie toys to extract the polyfil, and he has managed to destroy the edge of the carpet bordering the tile from the breakfast nook to the living room.  But he hasn't chewed holes in any walls. 

Or any small children.

I count us lucky on both regards.

I managed to save a couple of his baby teeth before they disappeared off into that mystical land of spare socks, paper clips, and lost marker lids.  Of course I hid them away under the edge of Maxwell's blanket in his crate when I put him to bed.

Just in case.

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So imagine my surprise when a bonafide ruckus broke out in the middle of the night.  Maxwell was barking his very best "I've-got-something-cornered-and-it's-probably-going-to-make-great-blog-fodder" bark.

By the time I got out into the living room, Maxwell was out of his crate, barking at the fireplace.  Judging by the white feathers strewn everywhere, (and the 30 lb canvas bag of dimes), it could only have been one thing. 

That's right. 

The tooth fairy. 

(Incidentally, did you know there's about $20 in a pound of dimes?)

My guess?  Maxwell thought someone was trying to steal his Kong.

Bad idea.

Anyway, this morning I found a letter on the fireplace mantel.  It read as follows:
To the Occupants of (redacted for Internet security).

It has come to our attention that you are harboring a vicious and/or dangerous animal as defined in Section 35.07b of the Fairytale Code:  "...a vicious and/or dangerous animal is defined as an animal that displays the intent to deliberately maim, harm, or otherwise injure a member of the International Union of Fairybook Characters for Children (IUFCC)..."

This notice is to inform you that attendance of observed holidays by IUFCC members is no longer guaranteed.  As defined in Section 41.07c-1 of the Fairytale Code, "IUFCC members shall make one good faith attempt to visit a home known to be harboring a vicious and/or dangerous animal, but shall not put themselves in a position to sustain injury."

IUFCC members include, but are not limited to Santa Claus, Elves, flying Reindeer, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Boogiemen, and Leprechauns.

A follow up inspection is scheduled for 2 weeks from the date of this notice.  If the vicious and/or dangerous animal is still on the premises, the IUFCC will have no choice but to enact Section 41.07c-1 as stated above, and designate permanent status as a IUFCC-unfriendly home.
Oh Maxwell.

Not sure what I'm going to tell the kids.

In other news: 

For Sale:  One Canvas Bag of Dimes.  Worth approximately $6000.  Will sell for cheap.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Never Underestimate the Power of a Puppy

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Yesterday, in a fit of insanity whence I completely lost my gourd, I thought it would be a good idea to visit my kindergartner daughter at her school for Field Day...

...with Maxwell.

Before anyone gets really, really nervous, I'll tell you up front that nothing untoward happened on Maxwell's part. He was a perfect gentleman.

And I feel extraordinarily lucky to report that.

I really, really, really don't know what I was thinking. (Did I mention really?)

Well, I do. My thought process was that Emma loves Maxwell, and she's very proud of him. And she would love a chance to show him to her friends...

...and apparently the other 150 kids in her grade.

Really, really, really didn't think that all the way through.

At first we hung back from the group because Emma was participating in an event. But when she headed back to her spot on her beach towel she still hadn't noticed us, so I walked Max (on a very short leash) up to her.

He greeted her with a wet nose in the ear.

She squealed in delight, "Maaaax!"

And all bedlam broke loose.

We were mobbed by the entire kindergarten.

I commanded Maxwell to sit as the hordes came, and he obeyed like a champ. He sat and smiled and gave out wet kisses while 6-10 kids all pet him at the same time, jostling and pushing to get to him. I finally got some semblance of control of the situation and had them line up and take turns meeting him.

After that, I quickly refilled Emma's water bottles, and Maxwell, my son, and I beat a hasty retreat.

Aside from the stink-eye from the hula hoop relay lady (because up until the moment Maxwell arrived she had been the star attraction), there weren't really any repercussions.

And I am so very grateful to the heavens above for that.

Stupid. Stupid. STUPID!

Good boy, Maxwell.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Shenanigans

Remember the Great Toilet Paper Snake?

Well, you will not believe what Maxwell cornered in the kitchen yesterday.  For real this time.

I wasn't allowed to take a picture until I'd safely moved it outside.  So here it is on the front walk.


I'm almost certain this is a Rough Earth snake, a common, non-venomous snake found abundantly here in Texas that eats bugs, worms, and lizards.  He was 6 inches long, tops.

I think I'm going to write a story about Maxwell picking the winning lottery numbers next, and see if I can get that to come true too!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Somebody Keeps Stretching My Puppy...

...when I'm not looking.

I swear from the time I left yesterday morning to when I got home yesterday evening from a 12 hour shift, Maxwell got bigger. 

I knew Goldens grew quickly, but this is getting ridiculous!!  At the vet today (got our first rabies shot--we spaced it out from his other shots because the fewer at once, the better) he was 31.1 lbs.  Coming up on 17 weeks on Saturday, and he just keeps growing.
Yes, that's an oversized, overstuffed couch he's hogging.

Whuh!? Somebody say "food"?